


Valentine's Puns

by nightbirdrises



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-14
Updated: 2014-02-14
Packaged: 2018-01-12 10:02:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1184928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightbirdrises/pseuds/nightbirdrises
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt and Blaine celebrate Valentine's Day with endless, silly, cheesy puns.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Valentine's Puns

**Author's Note:**

> I would say this is halfway between PG-13 and M due to a brief bit of fingering, but that's all the notes I have. Basically, this is as fluffy and silly as a house made of cotton balls. ([tumblr](http://princehummel.tumblr.com/post/76612834165))

Kurt wakes up alone in their bed and groans, wishing that Blaine didn’t have to work _today_ , of all days. It’s Valentine’s Day; they should both get the day off due to its importance to them. Unfair for others? Maybe. Kurt just really wants his husband with him.

At least they get tonight, when they’ll stay in and make an at-home dinner and a movie date of the evening. The last few years they’ve gone all-out, so they’d both agreed to take it sweet and easy this year.

After a few minutes, Kurt decides it’s time to get up and find himself something to eat. As he sits up, he finally notices the teddy bear next to him, a little note in its fluffy paws. Kurt bites his lip and takes the note, reads,  _Life without you would be unbearable_. Letting out a pleased chuckle, he stretches and begins wandering to the kitchen — then stops in his tracks just inside.

On the kitchen counter is an array of fruits, all lined up and each with a post-it note stuck to it. On each post-it is a short sentence; Kurt squints through sleep-blurred eyes and starts to smile when he reads them.

 _You’re berry sweet_ , stuck to a box of blueberries.  
_You’re my main squeeze_ , stuck to an orange.  
_You’re the apple of my eye_  
_I’m bananas for you_  
_We’re the perfect pear_  
_You’re a peach_

"Such a dork," Kurt mumbles to himself. He takes the peach and goes into one of the drawers for a knife to cut it into quarters — inside the drawer, however, is a whisk with a post-it note that reads,  _You whisk me away with your love._

When he finds the stack of post-it notes at the other end of the counter, the top one reading,  _Let’s stick together_ , Kurt starts to wonder just how many of these Blaine managed to put out before he left for work.

On the coffee machine, he finds  _We’re the perfect blend_  and  _I love you a latte_. In the drawer where they keep their various teas, he finds  _You’re pre-tea cute_.

Kurt picks up each note as he comes across them, starting a small collection. And it doesn’t end with tea in the kitchen; there’s  _You’re souper_  and  _You spice up my life_  and _Peas be mine_. Then there’s  _We’re mint to be_ , then  _I’m nuts about you_ , and finally, in the fridge on top of the last slice of pizza from two nights ago,  _I love you to pizzas_.

"I married the most ridiculously cheesy romantic in the world," Kurt says, returning to the bedroom to remake the bed with new sheets — because they’re going to have sex tonight (it’s sort of a given) and he wants fresh and clean everything. However, Blaine seems to have guessed Kurt’s intentions, because there’s a post-it on top of a stack of neatly folded sheets that reads,  _I’m all wrapped up in your warm love_.

A lightbulb goes off in Kurt’s head and he grabs his phone from the nightstand to shuffle through his pictures — he finds the photograph of a photograph of the Mona Lisa he’d taken on their honeymoon in Paris and grins, sticking the picture into a text message to Blaine with the caption, _I louvre you_.

Feeling particularly proud of himself, Kurt hums cheerily while he makes the bed, his mind working on a few more of those puns. He isn’t  _quite_  as eloquent as Blaine when it comes to overwhelmingly romantic statements, but he can damn well be silly, and this? It’s sillier than (almost) anything they’ve ever done.

For a while, he sends pictures:

A picture of a tree captioned,  _You’re tree-mendous, wood you be my Valentine?_

A stock image of a yo-yo followed with  _Yo! Be mine!_  that Kurt feels a little embarrassed about, but whatever.

A photograph of his own pants after he’s dressed —  _My heart pants for you_.

Blaine most likely won’t peek at his phone until just before he leaves, so Kurt doesn’t expect an answer. He does get bored of sending texts every time he comes up with something, though, and returns to the kitchen to pick up the stack of post-its, pondering his next move. It only takes a single glance at their record player for him to get a new idea.

 

* * *

 

Blaine’s impatient to be back home with Kurt, his heart fluttering after reading all the messages Kurt had sent him. In only a few more strides, he’ll reach the door of their apartment and be able to walk in and finally kiss his husband on Valentine’s Day.

He does just that, breathless as Kurt lifts him up a little and thanks him for the teddy bear and the notes.

"I don’t want to make you go on a scavenger hunt now that we’re together," Kurt says, still holding him tight. "But I did set up a little something."

"Oh?"

"On the coffee table in the living room." Kurt leads him by the hand and Blaine blinks at the arrangement of items sitting on the table.

"What’s this?"

"Just read the notes," Kurt says, giving him a little push at the small of his back. Blaine leans in to kiss him on the cheek and then crouches down to read the post-it notes.

There are two stuffed animals, an owl and a bunny holding a heart, and the notes near them read,  _Whooo loves you, baby?_  and  _Some-bunny loves you_. Blaine laughs, looking up at Kurt, who’s blushing a bit, but still he prompts Blaine to continue.

Next to the animals are their tickets to Wicked; the post-it stuck to them says,  _You’re my leading man_. Near those is a pair of shoes that no longer fit Blaine that proclaim, _Happy Valentine’s Day to my sole-mate_. And next to that is one of Kurt’s cans of hairspray —  _You keep me in shape_. Blaine feels himself warming up a little at that one.

And so it goes:

A pack of gum;  _I chew-se you_. A book;  _You’re tops in my book_. When Blaine opens the book at Kurt’s urging, it falls open to a world map;  _You make my world go ‘round_. 

"How did you come up with all these?" Blaine asks, reading a post-it on a pencil that reads,  _You lead me into your heart_.

"Pure genius, of course," Kurt says. "And a little help from the Internet when I needed it. Oh, go read the record player."

Blaine does, and reads the note aloud: “Just for the record, I love you.”

"I love you, too," Kurt responds cheekily, earning himself a playful smack on the shoulder. "One more thing."

Kurt’s hand goes into his pocket, and he pulls out a small… something that Blaine can’t quite see because it’s hidden in Kurt’s fist. “What’s that?”

Opening his palm to Blaine, Kurt says, “You complete me,” as he reveals a small puzzle piece.

"Wait, is that…"

"From the puzzle we haven’t been able to finish because we lost the last piece? Yes. And this is the last piece."

"Oh my god."

"It’s a very special day, indeed." Kurt tosses the puzzle piece onto the table and pulls Blaine in gently for another kiss, his lips soft and sweet. "Shall we eat?"

"Oh— Yes, here." Blaine hands over one of the bags of Thai takeout to Kurt. Neither of them had felt much like cooking, and there’s an amazing Thai place nearby, so this had seemed the perfect solution.

"Ooh, I came up with another one," Kurt says excitedly about halfway through dinner, getting up and scurrying to the kitchen to rummage through one of the drawers. Blaine watches him curiously as he returns with… a match. Kurt strikes the match, lighting it. "We’re a perfect match."

"Mhm, I agree," Blaine says while Kurt shakes the match out and throws it away. "I don’t know how many people I’d be able to have a punny Valentine’s Day with."

"Just one," Kurt says. "Me."

"That’s all I need."

There’s popcorn with the movie later, and Blaine can’t help but murmur, in the middle of one of the most intense scenes, “I’m e-kernel-y yours.”

"What? You’re… oh, kernel," Kurt says, shaking the bowl of popcorn. "I get it. That’s clever, sweetheart. A little  _corny_ , but…”

"Oh, you nailed that one."

"Sure did."

The next pun comes when Blaine’s reasonably distracted by his husband, who’s naked and stretched out on his stomach while Blaine sits back on his thighs, opening him up with his fingers.

"Hey, look," Kurt says, voice rough as he reaches for the lamp on the nightstand. He twists the switch off, then on again, and clears his throat. "You turn me on."

"I can’t believe you just made a pun with two fingers in your ass."

"What can I say? I’m —  _oh_  — a man of many talents.”

Blaine has to agree, of course; this is Kurt, his husband, the man he’s been in love with since high school and the man he’ll be in love with for the rest of his life. And if he drops his sharp walls as he always does around Blaine, and gets a little silly, well, that just makes Blaine love him even more.

About two hours later, they’re thoroughly exhausted and Valentine’s Day is officially over. But Blaine, while he’s in the bathroom for damp towels to clean them both off, realizes he has one more thing to say.

 

* * *

 

"I love you," Kurt murmurs when Blaine finally settles into bed next to him. He’s had his eyes closed for a few minutes now, but he opens them as he turns to Blaine. "I think this might be one of my favorite Valentine’s Days yet."

"I think it might be one of mine, too," Blaine says, brushing a stray lock of hair out of Kurt’s face. "It’s not quite over yet, though."

"Mm?"

Blaine suddenly pulls out one of their spoons from the kitchen, clearly doing his best not to smile. “Let’s spoon.”

Kurt can’t help it; he dissolves into giggles while Blaine tosses the spoon over the edge of the bed and follows him in laughter. “We’re— God, we’re crazy.”

"Hey, we’re crazy together."

"Mhm. Too much crazy for one day, though, I’m about to—" Kurt yawns, and Blaine’s eyes crinkle as he smiles gently. "—pass out. Let’s do our spoon thing."

"Romantic," Blaine teases, but he turns around and scoots back into Kurt’s arms. "Happy Valentine’s Day, Kurt."

"Happy Valentine’s Day, honey. Sweet dreams."


End file.
